Cleaning!
For a large portion of the day.

Demisa's old bedroom has a floor under it!
lol
We found all kinds of neat things.
Like the infamous... FRENCH TAPE!
I can not wait to show it to everyone.
O
M
G
It is so freakin hilarious.

On top of that we found a bunch of her old writing project.
Little scripts and unfinished workings and such.
I kinda wish I had some kinda talent... meh.
We found some pictures too.
Like us in high school.
Y I K E S
Is really all I can say lol
I was such a weirdo back then.
And apparently had some fetish for obnoxious bracelets.

And I seem to make weird faces whenever my pictures if taken.
Then again, that's probably just my face. lol

Unfortunately, the room has WAY more stuff crammed in it then we had originally anticipated.
So it'll take probably one more full day to clean out.
Most of it was paper.
Some clothes and stuff she wants to go through.
I should go through some of my clothes and see what I don't really wear/doesn't fit/or I just don't like.

That means I'll be crashing here for a bit longer.
I really hope J and them don't mind.
I don't wanna over stay my welcome.
This family is so nice to me.
I'm kinda disappointed in myself for kinda screwing things up here... ah well.
I'm not really a 'family' person.
I'd much rather it just be me and like one other person so I'm not a total loner.
The aspect of a family sounds real nice and all... but its kinda annoying.
Families suck anyway.
Who needs em.

I just need my friends.
<3

I'm not gonna review the events of last night.
Since they're most likely incriminating.

Long story short, I'm out of the house again.
I'll be staying with J for maybe a week ish... unless his mom says I can stay here.
Which I doubt.
I wouldn't want to anyway.
I don't wanna start shit with the only family I got left.

So this means I'll be going with Demisa.
Instead of tackling 'that which must not be spoken of' I say we work on that spare bedroom.

For the most part I got a lot of my shit packed up.
I need boxes and stuff for my cosplay.
And what little bit of clothes I left behind.
Plus all my books.
Everything is gonna go into storage.
It's only like a dollar for the first month and I think I'll have my shit in order by then.
So it's no big deal.

Good thing is I have off today.
I can kinda relax a little bit.
Sunday I have off, I plan to clear out that room.
I should never have left...

This is where the 'I told you so's come in.
Cause I'm an idiot for even trying...

I should just be thankful for what little I have left.

I have both of my dads.
Friends that mean more to me then anything.
J, who keeps me sane and out of prison.
A job to provide me with moneys.
And the two Debs, who are my mother figures.

So it's not all that bad.

WOOT!

I forgot how awesome it was to live without the 'grown-ups'
lol
ITS SO FREEING!
Granted yes, I suppose this does mean I'll have more responsibilities. But like...
I'll only be responsible for myself. So...
YEA!

I'm bound and determined to make this work.
I MUST SUCCEED!
Cause this is just too much fun.

I'm surprised cause... my dad called me today.
Asking where I was.
...
Apparently he didn't even know I was kicked out...?
How... do you not know what your crazy wife is doing?
Not really a surprise I guess.
It's not his fault.
I just feel bad for him and his living situation. He's really the only reason I ever come around.

WE'RE WATCHING DISNEY!
Aladdin is on.
Never freakin saw this movie.
MUST CATCH UP ON MY CHILDHOOD!
<3

As if it wasn't bad enough that I had to work Black Friday.
I got kicked outta my house.

.
.
.

Yeah.
It's whatever.
The worst part is that I kinda just moved back in, and I gotta move out again.

But hey, bright side?
I still have my job.
I'm getting my driving lessons eventually.
And I'm an orphan.
I'm living with friends, and thats just amazing.
I just kinda don't care. anymore.

<3

Happy Thanksgiving.

Ok so I haven't updated much since I last tried to diagnose myself.
Cause... well I've been doing nerdy things.
Silly little childish things.
CAUSE I'M A CHILD! <3

Anyway...

work is work
We're all kinds stressing cause inventory is coming up
The main office is really just a room with one big round table, everyone sitting down, and making up more ridiculous things for us to do.
We just laugh at them now.
Its not just me anymore.
No our entire store has lost their minds.
We just laugh at the superiors.
They're crazy if they think we're gonna be able to get all this shit done.

Otakon plans are kinda goin haywire.
Kinda.
But not really anything we need to worry about just yet.
I'll inform you guys if it affects our money situation.
I have our suite booked already.
And no... they don't have a pool. I'm sad.

On the topic of con stuff I'm kinda trying to see what cosplays I should bring.
In order to cut back on my cosplay spending, I decided that I'll only do one big cosplay a year.
If I wanna do more, it'll have to be something I can grab at the thrift store.
I sold my Sailor V to a beautiful young girl on Cosplay.com.
That money went to my Sailor Saturn.
The only thing I'm having trouble with is the Silence Glaive... bleh.
I can get stuff from the store, like a rod and some dowel screws and stuff.
I got a piece of plywood to make the blade part.
But I'm a little stuck on some of the details. I kinda wanna make it accurate but ah well, I'll improvise I guess.
I also wanna work on my Heero cosplay that no one except for Demisa knows about.
Cause we need to cosplay couples since no one likes the same animes as us. LoL
My problem with that is...
Where am I gonna get biker shorts that don't show off my huge ass? xD

So cosplays I'm definitely bringing!
- Sailor Saturn
- Edward Elric
- Spock
- Heero Yuy

Cosplays I'll most likely bring!
- Julia
- Fuu
- Revy

I'm thinking I may sell my Bridget cosplay.
As much as I love him.
I only ever wore him once but I don't really have anyone to do it with and he doesn't exactly fit with anyone else.
Bleh.
Sad is sad.
Not to mention I don't even have the blond wig I use for it anymore I kinda gave it to Demisa for her MisaMisa cosplay.
And I could use that money for more cosplay stuffs hmm...

Though I should be saving my money.
I need to call the driving school people sometime after Thanksgiving.
I dunno how many sessions I gotta take I think like 4 or 5?
For 90 bucks a pop.
Sounds like a lot but from what I'm told it's not bad.
What do I know anyway.
I hope I don't screw up.
I'm kinda excited about being able to drive.
I'll like... never be home.
It'll be amazing.
I'm gonna use that chance to look for a better job too.
This way me and J will be able to have off together and not worry about screwing over the store.
Not sure what I'm gonna look for though. Don't matter as long as it pays good enough.

And I'm not even sure about the school thing anymore.
The more I think about it.. it's like...why?
i know, I need to go to school and get a degree and all that stuff.
This way I can get a better job, a career and have a life like any other normal functioning member of society.
But... well I'm not sure if I'd be any good at it.
I'm not good with people at all.
but I'm thinking... maybe I won't work in a hospital.
Granted, thats where all the fun is but I can't be around dying people.
My delivery is just... emotionless.
Want an example?
Here goes.

The other day I'm at work.
this woman gets to my register and I start to ring her out.
The usual thing.
Suddenly she bends down and goes "Ooh! Gosh that burns."
She's an older woman, and I kinda got concerned. "You ok?"
"Oh yes dear. Just my leg feels like it's on fire."
"Oh... do you have diabetes?"
"Excuse me?"
"Diabetes? Do you have them?"
"No, not me, no. My father does, and my brother. Why do you ask?"
She looked to be a little alarmed, or just offended that the stupid cashier was asking about her medical history.
Despite the fact, I continue.
"Oh, well how long has it been going on?"
"Not too long really, just a nuisance."
No one was in line behind her, so when I finished ringing and gave her the chance she remained at my counter.
Apparently she was intrigued by my medical knowledge... being the stupid cashier that I am.
"Well, I was only asking since I think you should probably go to a doctor."
"Why do you say that?"
"You may have to cut it off."
"Cut... what off?"
"Your leg."
"My leg?!"
"Yes."
"Why would I have to do such a thing?"
"Well you see, it normally starts as a tingling sensation in the extremities, most commonly the feet or shins. That specific area well tend to warm up. A localized fever on and off. After that the part will start to lose feeling, since blood flow can no longer reach the area, and it will turn black. Once it turns black, you must have it removed, or the infection will travel your bloodstream to your heart and you'll die."
"Oh my... how do you know all this?"
"I watch a lot of television... and well I had an Ex whos father had to cut off his foot. Oddly enough it was around the holiday season and I joked about getting him another foot for Christmas."
I ended with a smile as the woman slowly made her way out.
"Have a nice day!"

...

Can you even imagine how I'd be if I had to tell someone they were gonna die?
C'mon now.

But hey, I don't gotta work in a hospital.
I'll do the nursing program and then just get a job at a pharmacy or something, giving out drugs.
They get ok pay right?
Thats like, an actual job?
I dunno.
I feel like I'm living my life to others expectations.
I really never planned to have a future since I kinda didn't think I'd ever have one.
Proved me wrong huh?

But other then that... not much is goin on.
Thanksgiving is this week.
I'm off the day of and the day before.
Maybe I'll buy something nice to wear...
I gotta start working on Christmas stuff too.

Demisa... I think we should try to have a Christmas party.
Maybe like the week before or so, so everyone can exchange gifts and cards and stuff.
Just a reason to get the crew together, yea?
Gives me another reason to break out the ears xD
I can be a Vulcan.. AND an elf!
THEY HAVE MULTIPLE USES!
<3 <3 <3

Yea I know it's late I'll go to bed eventually.

Anyway I was up looking at some cosplay stuffs.
And remembered I wanted to work on a Peter Pan cosplay.
Eventually. Since I have SO MUCH other stuff I need to work on.
So I went looking around for some inspiration on the costume.
Since the kid has a god damn big wardrobe spanning from just leaves to rather impressive tights.

Ugh.
Tights?
Really?

During my search I come across an article on a little mental issue known as Peter Pan Syndrome.
And since I like medical shit, I take a peek to see what it is.

.
.
.

It was at that moment I realized I finally had a diagnosis for myself.
For all my crazy.

I AM A GOD DAMN CHILD!

It describes the so called illness as people who are socially immature or awkward.

They express the following psychological traits:

• Emotions become paralyzed and exaggerated
• Anger turns into rage
• Joy turns into hysteria
• Disappointment develops into depression or self-pity

How the Peter Pan Syndrome Affects Daily Lives:

• Have difficulty expressing love
• Refuse to share their feelings
• Lose touch with their emotions and have no idea what they feel
• Procrastinate
• Feel guilt and have difficulty in relaxing
• Have no real connection with friends. Believes friends can only be bought
• Easily panic and feel desperately alone in their attempts to belong

The idea of apologizing for inappropriate behavior is not an option. Blame is placed on other’s shortcomings so they do not have to focus on their own limitations and vulnerabilities. Alcohol or drug abuse is used to get high in order to drown out the existence of daily life challenges.

Relationships with Parents

• Hang up with their mother
• The anger and guilt they feel are interwoven, masking their conflicted feelings for the mother
• The relationship with the father is estranged
• They believe that the father’s love and approval are unobtainable
• Have problems with authority figures
• Tend to be emotionally immature
• Exhibit silly behavior
• Have a macho attitude that hides their deep inner insecurities in attempts to hide the fear of rejection

Relationships with the Opposite Sex

• Become extremely jealous and exhibit violent outbursts
• Become easily provoked to fits of rage when their partner asserts any independence and they feel unneeded

O M G

So much stuff happened today.
Left4Dead 2
Assassin's Creed
Tot's birthday
STAR TREK
And on top of that I FINALLY got my damn permit.

So much running around today, I can't even consider this a day off.
Just running errands.
But it's cool.
It's all good stuff.

I gotta look into driving schools.
I have my test coming up in February.
On top of that I need to look at cars but dad says he'll keep an eye out for me.
Hopefully I'll be driving by Otakon so we'll have an extra vehicle.

Which reminds me.
I already booked our suite for Otakon.
We're at the Residence Inn, like a block or 2 away from the actual convention center but we got a great price.
So it's fine.
And I'm stoked that we managed to pull Carson into our Trekky fandom.
He's agreed to be Bones for our group xD
This should prove interesting.
We need Scotty and Chekov now. lol

This kinda got me thinkin about cosplays I need to bring for con.
So far I got 3.
Spock
Edward Elric
Sailor Saturn

I think last year I did like 5 cosplays total.
I gotta see what everyone else wants to do and I'll plan around that.
I'll probably bring Julia, since Joe forgot his Spike last year.
So thats 4.

I dunno, once it gets closer I'll be able to figure it all out.

I finished Kingdom Hearts lol
I'm probably gonna start the second one tonight.
I need to do random Disney cosplay with everyone.
I WANNA BE PETER PAN!
I already got the adorable little pointy ears for it xD
So whos with me?
Maybe not this year, since I wanna take it easy on the cosplays and I'm already workin on Sailor Saturn for this year.
So next year maybe. I gotta see how much money I got, it all depends.

I have work tomorow then I'm off again.
I need to go to the lady doctor to get my lady junk looked at, it's about that time of year.
But I can't make an appointment till sometime after the week of Thanksgiving.
Cause apparently we can ONLY have Thanksgiving off.
Which fucks my plans for GhettoCon. But whatev.
We were only gonna crash the place in our Trekky nerdiness anyways.

Later!

Ok so I took a really long break from playing video games.
I used to play them all the time in high school.
Then life kicked in and I didn't have any time for myself.

Good bye what ever was left of my so called childhood.

And people wonder why I'm so damn immature...

Anyway, since I'm home now and well... nothing ever happens here.
I decided to start playing video games again.
Cause this computer sucks and I can't play Sims on it without wanting to smash the monitor.

Most of my video games are buried in the mess of my basement.
And probably don't even work anymore...
But J has a bunch of games!
Since I only have a PS2 in my room, I kinda look towards older games till I finally go out and get a PS3.

I decided to play Kingdom Hearts.
I played it before back when it first came out, I borrowed it from someone.
I think it was Demisa.
But I only ever played the very beginning before giving it back and totally forgetting about it.
J has I gotta play this one before the second one, which makes sense... though I hear the second one is like SICK.
And is apparently the influence for the new game Epic Mickey.

Yeah.
Badass Mickey Mouse.
Can't wait for that. <3

Though I would be upstairs playing my game I have a little problem.
Or like... a major problem.
1 - the controller I have is a PS1 controller.
2 - the controller is broken and keeps scrolling
So I gotta wait for my mom to get back so I can go to GameStop and get a damn controller.

Bleeegh...

I'm gonna go eat breakfast.
 

Ok so a few days ago Demisa and I experimented with out hairs.
Hers came out adorably.

Mine...


Meh. -shrug-
You know I'm never happy with it.

My hair started BLACK.
Which makes it impossible to do anything with it.
So I lightened it.
A little bit.
I wanted to go for a brownish, something close to my natural color.
Which I thought  was a DARK DROWN.
Or even a MEDIUM BROWN.
The lightening process made it come out this weird RED BROWN color.
It was ok at first but I honestly can't stand red hair on me.
I have freckles across my nose and omg do they stand out.
So I decided to just dye it.
I went for a dark chocolate color, cause I like darker hair for me.
And well... its dark.
Like... really dark.
Like you can't even tell its not black.

So meh.

My hair likes being black.
Even if the box did say it was supposed to be brown.

ah well
 

I need to drop some serious money on some electrical gadgetry.
For reals.

I've been wanting to play something but I'm stuck with these 'not-so-last-gen' game consoles.
I mean, my latest console was the Wii.
And now that I think about it... Wii kinda sucks.

I wanna get a 360.
I was thinking a PS3 but... 360 is like 100 bucks cheaper.
No yeah.

On top of that, I need to get a Blu-Ray player.

Though I guess I could just get a PS3 and get both at once.
Hm.
That would probably save me money.
And electrical outlets too.

PS3 it is then.

AND THEN ITS OFF TO GAMESTOP TO FINALLY STOCK UP ON GAMES!

 

Pictures, as promised.
Ok well... its only one picture.
I took one before I went to the party and the rest of the night I was drinkin.
So... I forgot to get more.

BUT!

We're totally crashing GhettoCon with our Trekky-ness.
So there will eventually be more of t his awesome.

HA HA HA !!!
( clik 4 phail )
 

I've done some pretty nerdy shit in my life.
And I don't regret one bit of it.
Not even this.

lol

It just hurts REAL bad when I rip the ears off.

Pictures to some tomorrow-ish.
Or probably monday <3

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
 

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Halloween!
Can't wait to see you guys at the party tomorrow!
I AM FREAKING OUT!

lol

So much fun.
And alcohol.
And food.
And games.
And fire!

Probably not in that order.

And I'll finally be able to hang out with friends that I haven't seen in like a year.
o m g

Of course Demi and me are gonna nerd it up.

I'm not sure if I wanna get up an hour early tomorrow and wait for my latex to dry when I put my ears on though.
So I might not be Trekkin it at work.
I'll probably just throw something together last minute.
I dunno.
I'm thinkin obnoxious pit-tails wanna come out and play

I WANNA SEE PICTURES OF COSTUMES!!!
POST THEMS!!!
 

I've been sleeping like ALL day.
Its screwin me up.

I woke up today, my usual waking up groggy self.
So I get a shower, eat some breakfast.
And I still feel like shit.

I go to say good morning to my mom and only squeak at her.

My voice has been going in an out all day.
On top of that I have a fluctuating fever.
A fuzzy light headed feeling if I stand up for too long.
And can't breathe outta one side of my nose.

Meh.

So I called outta work.
I have tomorrow off too so hopefully by friday I'll be fine.

Hopefully.

Unless I got swine flu or something.

I have tried to type this entry three times over now.
And I can't seem to get the words right.
I just don't know how to explain what I'm feeling.

The suicidal thing is over now, for the most part.
Yet I am still finding trouble in continuing to live.

What sense is it in living?
To make the most of our time here?
To simply be happy?
Or are we here because each of us serve a purpose?

Forgive me if I offend but... I do not believe in your omnipotent imaginary friend up in the sky.
Hence the reason why I fail to see each being having some sort of purpose in life.
Are pigs really only meant to be killed for their numerous delicious meats?
Are doctors only meant to cure disease?
What about everyone else? What are we good for? What are we supposed to do?

I understand, that my life is no where near as terrifying as some others.
Some people wake up each morning, without a bed under them.
They share their morning with hardly any family, because most of them have died from disease.
There is no breakfast... or lunch... or dinner.
Just whatever scraps they can find.
They go to work. For just pennies a day.
And they work till they can't see the sun.
Once they return home, to their barely there shack, there is no relaxing shower.
There isn't enough water for such luxuries.
So they return to bed and pass out from exhaustion.

Unlike my life.
I have a home. A family.
Food to eat.
Water to drink and use as I wish.
A job with acceptable pay.
Clothes to pick and choose from.
Medical and educational facilities.
Its a dream life compared to what others have to live with.

I'd like to meet one of them.
And ask them why.
Why do they live each day?
What gives them drive to continue on, day in and day out?

My living condition is the least of my worries.
It's everything else that has been getting to me.
Every aspect of my life seems to conflict with one another.

My family.
It's quite extensive.
Yet I don't feel any connection to but a hand full of them.

My love life.
Probably one of the couple things that keeps me going.
Keeps me sane.
Keeps me alive.
Yet I always feel as if I'm doing something wrong.
I feel like I'm taking him down with me in my destructive downward spiral of emotional insanity.
The last thing I want to do is hurt him in any way.
And I apologize every chance I get.

My friends.
There one of your who is dearly close to my heart.
She is the other reason that keeps me stable.
For the rest, I do care for them.
Though mostly I guess I really only consider them as acquaintances.
People that I am familiar with... yet I don't have any real connection to.

My home.
It serves only as shelter.
I neither feel it to be a sanctuary or even... home.
This is no safe haven.
Every time I pass through the threshold I am hit with an onslaught of memories and emotions.
These things are rarely ever pleasant.

My future.
So much that I must do.
So much time I have lost. Wasted. I'll never get it back.
I am so far behind.
And I have so much more to go in order to succeed.
My list of goals is never ending.
They only seem to get further and further out of reach.

My emotions.
I don't know if its because I'm female, or if I am losing my mind.
For the most part I'm alright.
But let something go wrong and I can't handle myself.
I get upset easily anymore.
Tears are just a natural occurrence in my every day life.
I've come to deal with that.
I'm getting better and holding it back, but I lose control from time to time.
Though now it's only replaced itself with unfathomable rage.
Pure hatred and angst.
I get into violent outbursts anymore.
Screaming as loud as I can, hitting whatever is available.
The skin on my knuckles will never heal correctly.
Other times I just seem to lose all interest in any thing.
I don't feel like waking up, or moving.
I lack motivation anymore. I simply don't care.

My health.
My body is always aching.
I hardly eat.
A few bites and I'm full. Only every now and then will I let myself binge.
Only to get sick later on.
My insomnia has gotten worse. I'm limited to only two or three hours of sleep.
Despite how tired I feel.
My memory lapses are more frequent.
I can't remember certain things and I know it bothers people.
So I lie, and pretend that I do.

And my everyday life.
As if all that wasn't enough.

Through all these problems, I still can not let myself actually talk to someone about it.
No, I come here.
To this faceless screen and let it all out.
Because this faceless screen will never judge me.
Granted, it'll never tell me how to fix any of it either.
But it'll listen to me. Without interruptions.
Because I know my computer has no other problems it has to deal with.
Unlike other people.
Everyone has their problems.
They don't need to listen to mine.
I try to let myself talk, but the words never come out right.
I tend to contradict myself. I get nervous.
And once I start talking, it all comes up in my head at once and I can't single any one certain problem out.
So I remain silent.
I try to keep it all in, and I understand that this is most likely a big part of my problem.
But how can I talk to anyone?
I can't talk to people I know. they have their own issues to handle.
Can't go to a doctor, because I don't have the money to do so.
So I tried talking to strangers.
People I have no connection to.
So much that does...
I can't talk to anyone without them wanting to have sex with me.
So I talk to my computer.
At least he doesn't see me as a sexual object.
I hope...

It's just hard for me to see the reason in living.
How do other people do it?
When they have so little?
My life is glamorous compared to theirs.
And yet every day, I think to myself... whats the use?
If each day is just progressively getting worse...
And I'm just going to die anyway...
Why don't I just end it then?
At the rate things are going in todays society... the worlds future looks bleak.
I see these kids today, and I'm amazed.
Their idiocy is astounding.
Children can't pass their tests... so they lower the standard.
Disease is running rapid, people are dying.
Our own government isn't even willing to help its own people.
No, instead it wants to go fight a foreign country.
Even the soldiers fighting for us... they're pathetic.
Most of the men in our service only want to kill someone.
Read some of the reports, look up a few stories.
You'll see how terrible these people are.
Throwing rocks at children as they walk down the street.
Killing innocent people and claiming it to be an accident.
Kicking small animals off cliffs.
Even the people here at home.
People killing each other on the street for drugs and money.
Woman having sex with anyone for a quick buck.
It's too much.
It's just too much.

How can anyone say they want to live in a world like this?
Are you really all so blind?

What is the meaning of life?
How is my life so special?

Philosophers have been asking this same question for centuries.
And still have yet to come up with an answer.
Because there is none.

This daily struggle to survive.
It seems to useless to me.

For a while, I had believed in a short saying.
 

In other words, take the bad with the good.
Thats pretty much what kept me going.
For all the bullshit that happened in my life, I knew that someone good would eventually come from it.
But it seems that only bad things tend to happen.
I came to believe that its perhaps the result of me being a terrible person.
That I must have done something or wronged someone so much that I'll never be granted happiness.

Though don't get me wrong.
I do have a few things in my life that make living worth while...
But... thats it.






I still don't think I got the words right.
I could continue going on but even then I wouldn't be done.
This is all the same old story.
And everyone is tired of hearing it from me.
But I can't help it.
Life doesn't make sense to me.

So I'll continue going on.
As painful as it may be.
To try to understand what it is that people find to meaningful.
Call this a social experiment.
But I am determined to learn something from this pathetic existence.
 

 

I was so stoked that yesterday I got to work early.
I freakin LOVE working 9 to 5
I can actually get out of work and it still be fucking DAYLIGHT outside!
Not to mention I have today off.
Thats like... OMG!

I went to take my permit test today.
I wasn't exactly all that confident but I got over it.
J at least believed in me.
Wished me luck and everything.
I get to the DMV.
Go through all the identification bullshit
And walk up to do that quicky eye exam.
I passed it last time like... I dunno... 3-ish 4-ish years ago?
So I wasn't worried.
I read the letters and the guy looks at me "You failed."
"Excuse me?"
"You only read 8 letters."
"But there are only 8 letters."
"Theres 12 total."
"You sure?!"
"Yea. 12 letters. You missed the last block."
"But that block isn't even on."
"I assure you it is."
"Really?"
"Would you still like to take your test?"
"Does it matter?"
"You can't legally drive in your condition until you see a doctor and get the corrective eye gear needed."
"So you're telling me, lets go right ahead and waste my time then, right?"
"Well, you are already here. Might as well."
"I guess."

And guess what?
I failed that shit again.
Whats worse is that the test will give you the correct answers after you select a choice.
And the ones I missed, were ones that I knew the answer too.
I just went into my dark place and completely fucked up that test.

I'm blind in my right eye apparently.
And I can't drive.
Fucking great, right?

I was so sure he was fuckin with me or somethin.
I mean, I know I got bad eye sight.
I need glasses to read and thats pretty much it.
I didn't think I was fucking BLIND?!
The hell.
But... instead of freaking out... I did try to at least look on the brighter side.
I can finally go to an eye doctor. I haven't gone since I was like... 12? Maybe 11?
I dunno.
I'm gonna shoot for contacts.
This way I can learn to wear them, and I can get colored ones for cosplay.
Yeah... I'm a nerd.
On the side I'll have glasses.
Since I'm apparently cute in glasses.

After that all nonsense my mom did something pretty cool.
To help me get my mind off shit she asked if I wanted to go shopping.
Cause y'know... I am female after all.
Shopping is the best way to vent.
Then we got tacos. <3

I'm finally home.
Still kinda freaking out.
So I'm gonna go try putting up them halloween decorations I've been wanting to do for the past few days now.
 

LOL LOL LOL

GUESS WHO DOWNLOADED STAR TREK ONTO HER MP3 PLAYER?!?!

M E

FUCK YEAH!
On my tiny ass screen I dunno how I'll be able to watch it and know wtf is goin on but whatever.
I gotta watch it later tonight to see if its alright.
Cause my computer was trying to fuck up while it was transferring.
HA HA HA!!!

I am freaking out so hard core right now.
srsly guiz