I realized my life only has two speeds.
HORRIBLE FUCKING DEPRESSION
WTF ARE YOU DOING NOW
..obviously, this entry pertains to the latter.
..my whole 'bi' thing.
Joe has been really understanding of it all without being a total creep and wanting to third wheel on my action.
He still brings it up every now and then.. like.. me bringing back one of my girls or something.
He doesn't seem to mind my random girl on girl hookups because I'm apparently such a cockblock to other guys, that he doesn't have to worry about them trying to get off on watching me get busy with the ladies.
I still feel a little awkward, cause he let's me get ladies and shit but then he's just... not.
He hooked up with a guy once, so I was kinda proud of him for that.
I didn't feel AS bad, cause... well, at least he tried it.
He says he doesn't mind it. It gets him girls.
And I don't care if he's grabbing up on ladies or anything, it's whatever.
I know how it sounds.. but we're not exactly in an open relationship.
Or.. so I thought?
Get ready for it.
So there's this girl Revy.
I started talking to her on tumblr.
Or.. actually... no, we kinda started RPing together, which turned into talking and skyping and exchanging phone numbers and shit and then we started talking to each other.
YAY FOR UNLIMITED MINUTES.
So, we're talking for like.. 2 months. She mentions Otakon and I said I was going.
This chick is from fucking Seattle.
All the way across the damn country.
Says she's going and she's staying with friends but they won't actually be there till Friday.
Her flight lands Thursday so she was just going to get a room for herself for the night.
I told her to come stay with me and everyone, since we usually go the Thursday before.
Mind you, I've never seen this girl.
Not even so much as a picture.
So Otakon rolls around, we're at the hotel, I was making jokes that I had a mail-order bride flying in that night for the weekend. Joe thought it was cute that I made a friend and assumed she was going to murder us all and steal our money.
On a little side story, her flight he was delayed, so she didn't get in till real late that night, but I kept her company and talked to her on the phone while she got a cab to the hotel and stuff.
This girl shows up in my room and she's absolutely fucking gorgeous.
I don't know what I was expecting, but... definitely not that.
I should have taken the hint when she mentioned she was taking pole dancing classes...
We immediately hit it off.
Joe even likes her and usually he's terrible at first impressions. He usually just defaults to hate until he figures them out.
But everyone gets along great.
She's talking about her trip and I'm just sitting there staring at her like an asshole.
She probably thought I was creep. Oh god.
Joe does his whole noble chivalrous thing and says she can take the bed with me while he sleeps on the floor.
He does that all the time so it's not news to me.
She knows we're together, so she felt odd at first, but I told her that's just what he does so we go to bed together.
And I'm trying to resist the urge of cuddling because I'm so used to having Joe next to me.
Next morning, I have this tiny little thing curled up against my chest and I don't do anything to fix it.
Joe thinks it's cute.
He says it'slike watching a bunny and a kitten snuggle.
So the convention goes on.
Everyone splits up.
She goes and meets with her friends and we run into each other every so often.
I told her, like everyone else, if they wanted a quick change to just go to our hotel since it's closer.
It's night time, and I bring her out to come party with me and the rest of the crew.
I was determined to show her a good time, since she had been really upset earlier in the week because of life and work and all the usual bullshit. I wanted her to have fun.
What happened at the bar is an entirely different story, but utterly hilarious.
I'll have to talk about it later.
This is also the night that Joe kissed a dood at the bar.
Also.. me and Revy make out.
It was inevitable.
She tells me she has a girlfriend.
It's okay. I have a husband.
She says they have a sort of open relationship, since she lives so far away from her.
Then she tells me how she didn't plan on having a relationship with her in the first place and somehow managed to get pulled into it anyway. From how she describes it.. the other chick sounds like your typical bitch.
And this Revy girl is just... I dunno. Amazing.
Granted, she's got her fucked up problems too, but all in all.. she's too nice and just lets this other girl walk all over her.
The night goes on, give or take the short side story in the middle, and I refuse to let her go back to her hotel.
It's too far away and in the middle of the night in Baltimore.. no.
Especially not with the itty bitty dress she was wearing.
So... I took her back with me.
She ends up taking care of me because I drank way too fast.
We end up going to sleep and she's curled up against me again the next morning.
It's about a week or ago, I had my car accident and she's staying on the phone with me while I'm panicking and crying and waiting for Joe to come pick my ass up.
This girl, who I only officially met once.. is actually offering to lend me money to get a rental car and to pay for my ticket for the accident. I just.. I can't.
How can someone be so nice. I don't understand.
No one has EVER been this nice to me.
Like, yeah... Joe is great and all, but... I dunno.
This just feels different ?
. . . . .
So of course I don't accept.
I tell her it's all fine.
Once all that's settled, it's a few days later and Nikki decides to bring her friend Miguel over to have a few drinks.
So drinking ensues. After the shit I went through, I get trashed.
Earlier, i had been talking to Revy.
I forgot what I said exactly, but she said she didn't feel good and was going to bed early.
I tell her good night and she says for me to have fun and we'll talk tomorrow.
But when I'm drinking.. I'm texting.
And she's all I'm thinking about.
I don't know why, but I'm worried.
So I text her to see if she's okay.
I apologize for my drunk texting.
She tells me she's upset and apologizes for lying.
Apparently.. she doesn't like it when I have all these other women all over me.
Which.. is a little odd, but i think it's adorable.
I'm no one. No one cares about me. What is there even to be jealous about?
She went on to explain how she hates living so far away and how she can hardly afford to go to NYCC but she's only doing it so she can come see me again.
So, by now.. I'm all smiles.
Of course.. I bring up the girlfriend.
Apparently, girlfriend wanted to try and move in and that was when she had to tell her no.
They had an argument and as far as know, they're till sorta together.
I said she deserved to be happy. I didn't want to get any further then that and sound like some kinda home wrecker or something.
She says she likes me.
She says she's liked me for a while, almost since we first started talking.
She doesn't have very many friends out where she lives and she works all the time so she doesn't go out very much.
I tell her how much I look forward to her text alert every morning because it's one of the few things that reminds me to get out of bed each morning.
Joe comes out, asks me if everything is okay.
I told him I was trying to cheer her up, and he asks for her number.
I gave it to him.
Not sure why.. but I did.
He's good at telling people how awesome they are, and she likes him, they got along really well so I thought it couldn't hurt.
I'm not sure what they talked about but apparently...
Joe offered me to her.
Explained that he wasn't trying to be a creep and said that I needed a female relationship.
Which.. I kinda always wanted one, to be honest.
If anything ever happens with me and Joe, that's it.
He's the last. I'll just switch over entirely.
It's kinda weird though.. but I guess since she lives so far away, he doesn't see much harm in it.
It's not a threatening relationship.
So.. there you go.
I kinda have a girlfriend.
I asked her out as soon as Joe told me.
She said yes.
I made the most inhuman noise of excitement.
She's still with that other girl, which is fine I guess.
I can't really do much anyway.
She just isn't sure how to break it off without there being some big confrontation.
Which I understand.
So I'm looking forward to NYCC for entirely different reasons.
I get to see Revy again and not feel so awkward around her.
She invited me to come out o her place in March for a small convention that's going on in her area.
Depending on the money situation, I plan on going.
She invited Joe too but I think he's just going to let me have this vacation for myself.
I just can't get over this whole thing.
At first, I was unsure.
But me and him talked.
He's... weirdly understanding.
He says he's always had a hunch that I might be gearing more towards girls.
Which... I'll be honest... I really am.
I like guys and stuff too, but.. after all the shit I've gone through with them... I'm done.
I even told this to Joe. If for whatever reason wedon't work out, he would be the last man I love.
Sounds dumb, I know, but...for real.
He says the only real stipulation is if she somehow gets in between me and him.
I mean, I'm married after all.
This whole set-up is weird and I don't expect anyone to understand.
But hey... I think this might work out.
I have a girlfriend now.
She's beautiful and likes me for some reason.
Still don't get it but...
It's past 5 in the morning.. I should go to sleep.